Parents love to tell other parents what they should or should not being doing with their kids. This can weigh very heavy on new parents who lack confidence in their choices, especially if the topic at hand is controversial. This push to always be politically correct in our society makes it extremely difficult to parent the most comfortable way, even if scientific studies are on their side. What is one to do when faced with the option to either raise their kids the best way they see fit or to avoid upsetting another parent?
My parenting journey has been an eye opening experience for me. I had my first of 2 kids 9 years ago and my second is o what everyone told me about parenting. Being a first time parent I figured my opinions didn't matter, because I had no experience in raising kids. I did things with my daughter that went against ever fiber of my being. Things like: Induced and drugged labor, breastfeeding on a schedule, Cry it Out, yelling, spanking, not picking her up when she cried, forcing her play independently. These where all things I was told I needed to do for my daughter, these where also all of the things that also made me feel horrible afterwards.
With my son I mostly listened to myself. If a parenting choice made me feel bad, then I didn't do it. It has been the difference between night and day for me. I feel so much more comfortable with my choices and I don't need some book to tell me whether I am doing the right thing or not (however there are many books and science backing most of my choices). The reason why I know my choices are the best for me and my family is because I am happy and so is my family. I don't feel bad when I discipline my kids without punishment, I don't feel bad when I wake up in the morning to see my son sleeping next to me in my bed, I don't feel bad hugging my daughter because it made her sad when she broke my necklace, and I don't feel bad that to keep my 18 month old son comfortable I nurse him in public without a cover.
Now the hard the thing for me is to take these positive things in my life and be willing to share them. This comes back to being politically correct. People assume that if you take these controversial parenting ideals and show them to the world that you could only be doing this for one reason: to "force your opinions on others". This can be a really hard thing to overcome especially when people close to you constantly take offense, but I think it is worth the fight. I won't act like it is an easy fight. I have cried many times because people are offended my choices, in fact sometimes it feel likes someone is telling me that my happiness is offensive.
My parenting journey has been an eye opening experience for me. I had my first of 2 kids 9 years ago and my second is o what everyone told me about parenting. Being a first time parent I figured my opinions didn't matter, because I had no experience in raising kids. I did things with my daughter that went against ever fiber of my being. Things like: Induced and drugged labor, breastfeeding on a schedule, Cry it Out, yelling, spanking, not picking her up when she cried, forcing her play independently. These where all things I was told I needed to do for my daughter, these where also all of the things that also made me feel horrible afterwards.
With my son I mostly listened to myself. If a parenting choice made me feel bad, then I didn't do it. It has been the difference between night and day for me. I feel so much more comfortable with my choices and I don't need some book to tell me whether I am doing the right thing or not (however there are many books and science backing most of my choices). The reason why I know my choices are the best for me and my family is because I am happy and so is my family. I don't feel bad when I discipline my kids without punishment, I don't feel bad when I wake up in the morning to see my son sleeping next to me in my bed, I don't feel bad hugging my daughter because it made her sad when she broke my necklace, and I don't feel bad that to keep my 18 month old son comfortable I nurse him in public without a cover.
Now the hard the thing for me is to take these positive things in my life and be willing to share them. This comes back to being politically correct. People assume that if you take these controversial parenting ideals and show them to the world that you could only be doing this for one reason: to "force your opinions on others". This can be a really hard thing to overcome especially when people close to you constantly take offense, but I think it is worth the fight. I won't act like it is an easy fight. I have cried many times because people are offended my choices, in fact sometimes it feel likes someone is telling me that my happiness is offensive.
When I decided to drown out all the negative comments about my parenting and push forward with sharing all the good things in my life a very strange thing shifted in my life. I became a inspiration to others. People started sharing their lives with me asking me for help, or telling me to keep doing what I was doing. Even some who weren't parents yet are planning on using me as a resource when they do have kids. Mom's want to have play dates with me so they can finally have someone to talk to. I think that is something worth fighting my own insecurities for. I am not going to hide my life just to avoid conflict with my family and friends, when I know I can empower someone else enough to be the kind of parent they want to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment