Normalizing breastfeeding

Normalizing breastfeeding in the US is very important. The more breastfeeding is accepted the more we encourage breastfeeding mothers. We all know that breastfeeding is best for a child, some of us may have lifestyles that don't support breastfeeding especially long term, and some of us aren't able to breastfeed due to medical complications. However those of us who can breastfeed and choose to should not be made to feel ashamed of breastfeeding. If you don't think breastfeeding mothers are being shamed in our society then let me paint a picture for you.

A mother that bottle feeds her child goes out to lunch with some friends. The baby gets hungry she pulls out a bottle, she puts the baby in her lap, and she puts the bottle the baby's mouth. While hanging out with her friends and enjoying a light conversation her friend says "Oh that is so adorable." takes out her camera and takes a picture. The friend upload this picture to a social networking site and receives lots of positive comments in response.

If this was a breastfeeding mothers chances are she would be asked to at the very least cover up if not find an empty stall to feed her child(Because eating in a bathroom is sanitary). People would avoid eye contact or give nasty looks and unlikely anyone would caring on a conversation with her while she is nursing her child. Definitely nobody would be taking a picture of it and post it on a social networking site which would have only made more people upset.

What are some of the things that people say to shame breastfeeding mothers?

"It is public nudity"
A breastfeeding mother is far less guilty of public nudity than a woman in a bikini. As a breastfeeding mother I know that there is a really simple way of getting baby on and off the boob with out ever showing the nipple. This is an attempt to shame breastfeeding women into thinking they are some how being indecent with their child.

"It is personal and should be kept private"
Whether you breastfeed or bottle feed this can be a bonding moment with you and your child, but feeding a child is not private, it is a necessity.  This is an attempt to shame women into thinking they are oversharing.

"Why do I have to be forced to see it"
Nobody is holding your head in place with you eyelids held open. You can look away, you can hide a social networking post. No one is forcing you to look. You are however trying to force and shame a breastfeeding mother into hiding.

"I don't want my child to see it"
Breastfeeding was meant for children to see. I can't ask my son to keep his eyes closed every time he eats. You are teaching your child that breasts are merely sexual objects at an early age. You are also trying to shame the breastfeeding women by implying she is corrupting your child as she feeds hers.

"It is like having sex or peeing in public"
Why would someone even say this? This implies breastfeeding is sexual or gross. Breastfeeding a child is like you eating a hamburger. Why does this need to said? Don't shame breastfeeding mothers by comparing it to activities you would never involve your children in.

"It makes me uncomfortable"
This may be the most reasonable thing I have heard from someone who doesn't want me to nurse in front of them. However breastfeeding in the back of a car, in a bathroom, or under a hot cover is physically uncomfortable to me and my child. Take responsibility for your comfort, don't shame the breastfeeding mother into taking responsibility for you.

"Why can't you use a cover?"
Most people who ask this have no idea what it means to use a cover. If I use a cover while my son nurses, on a 75 degree day in just 5 minutes he hair is stuck to his head with sweat in 10 minutes he becomes flushed, and cranky. Oh and BTW some kids take over 30 minutes to nurse. Nobody should ever have to feel shamed into risking their child's health just to please you.


With all of this negativity mothers are getting discouraged from breastfeeding.  Breasts are made to breastfeed children. To normalize breastfeeding, breastfeeding moms need to continue breastfeeding in public. Most states in the US have laws protecting a women's right to breastfeed wherever she is allowed to be. Being a breastfeeding mom is hard enough don't let people shame you from taking caring of your baby. If someone doesn't support breastfeeding in public then they don't support breastfeeding.

Peaceful sleep training

When people hear the term “Sleep Training” they immediately think Cry It Out (CIO). If you don’t want to do the CIO method people make it sound like the only other choice is co-sleeping.

A lot of people hate the idea of CIO and rightfully so. Who wants to listen to a defenseless child cry out desperately for them, and do nothing about it? It is a horrible feeling listening to you child cry. With the CIO method you have to wait a certain amount of time before you can  rescue your baby. This can leave the parent quietly sobbing with their back against the wall. But if you’re the type of person who just can’t sleep with a child in your bed you may feel like this is your only choice. How many times have you been told that your baby NEEDS to learn how to self sooth? When your baby cries because they got scared don’t you sooth him/her? For a long time your child’s main source of communication is crying. When your child cries they are asking for something. Just because they are fed and have a clean diaper does not mean all their needs are met. During the day your child crawls into your lap and clings to your shirt when they need attention. They tighten their grip when strangers come near. Your child depends on you for comfort and safety. The same is true for night time.

Co-sleeping sounds like a great idea, unless you, your spouse, and your child are all light sleepers. Right before baby falls asleep he/she thrashes around, crying, comes over for cuddles only to roll away in a fit then roll back and nurse. Once asleep baby rolls around slapping you in the face while kicking your spouse. Then when you roll over to get back to sleep you end up waking your little one again. So at least in my experience this causes parents and baby to get a very restless sleep. There are a lot less tears and more heartwarming comfort, but there are also a lot less Zzzzzz’s for everyone involved which leaves everyone a whole lot more cranky.

So how are you suppose to be well rested and emotionally supportive of your child when bed time comes around? Well that really depends on you, the parent, and your child. Some people might be lucky and have been able to put their little one down in the crib and within seconds he/she is asleep. Some might be able to share the bed and everyone sleeps soundly and heavily all night long. Chances are you are somewhere in the middle and need to figure out what works for you. Keep in mind what works today might not work in the future. This is true with any sleeping method.

Here is what worked for us: My son sleeps for 10 hours straight in his crib without making a peep, and will only sleep 2 1/2 hours at a time while in bed with me. At first when he was moved into his own room at 5 months old, all he needed was a mobile over his head that he would hum and moan at it until he fell asleep. As he got older and more capable of playing, he wouldn’t want all the fun of the day to end, so we would have get him to relax enough that he could sleep. To do this we would sing him a song while rocking him. Then around 8 months he became a very light sleeper and as soon as you moved him he would wake up. We needed to get him to relax without having to move him afterwards, so we started to sing to him and rub his back while he was in his crib. I like to make sure to leave before he was fully asleep. This last routine actually worked for a long time. Now he is 14 months and struggling with separation anxiety, and as silly as this might sound I spend around 15 minutes every night standing either in the middle of his room or outside his door saying “shhh” in a soft tone every time he makes a noise. All he wants is to know: no matter what, I am here for him.

So don’t be afraid to find what works for you, and your baby. Babies are not computers that can simply be programmed with the most recent parenting book. They all have different needs and as the parents it is our job to know our child best and to take care of those needs. Listen to your heart. 

What are hands for?

I have been doing a lot of thinking about discipline. I was spanked as a child, in fact I was spanked in high school. I don't think I had one friend growing up who wasn't spanked. It wasn't uncommon for someone who wasn't my parent to spank me. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, babysitters, even friends of my parents all had the right to turn me over their knee and go to town on my little behind. I was not allowed to complain and had no right to try and protect myself. I "brought this upon myself". I will even admit that I spanked my daughter, I acted like it was the only thing that was going to make sure she turned out okay.

Today I feel awful that I never questioned any of this earlier. When was the last time you saw an adult get physically disciplined for doing something wrong? It isn't okay for a boss to spank their employee who accidentally shredded a really important document. It isn't okay for a spouse to be spanked because he forgot to take out the trash, unless both parties consent and it is for fun in the bedroom ;). So why is okay to do this to an innocent child?

I have heard some say that you can't reason with children like you can adults. I know that was one of my excuses, but that is exactly what it was an excuse. There are other options, ones that don't involve hurting your child. We are the parents, don't we want our children to do good because they are good? Teach them the reasons behind your rules "If you compliment Sally, it makes her feel happy, if you say mean things about Sally it makes her sad".

I am ashamed to admit that it wasn't until right before my daughter started kindergarten I started to look at ways to avoid spanking and it was difficult at first. Teaching your child is a lot more difficult then making them afraid of you. I also noticed I was a very angry person who used my child as a way to unload some of that anger. I was never an abusive parent by any means, I did spend a great deal of time yelling/lecturing and spanking however.

As I removed spanking from my mommy tool belt I slowly saw my child open up to me. Staring at this little girl I realized I had no idea who she was. She was eager to learn, quirky, caring, extremely social, and the world was so vibrant through her eyes. I had spent so much time trying to make her into a little me, and got so mad when she failed, I had missed out on meeting her. In some ways she is like me, in some ways like her dad, and in some ways she is like no one I have ever met, but overall she is more amazing then I could have ever dreamed.

It has been a few years now and she still surprises me. I try and spend most of my time teaching her to be the best her she can be and in order to do that I spend a lot of time letting her and I discover just who that is. I plan on doing the same with my son as the years go by.

So what are hands for? In my house the rule is Hands are for Hugs, holding, and helping, not for hurting.