Saturday, March 14, 2015

When he wants to sleep with mommy.

At two and a half he is not as little as he once was, but sometimes it still happens. Sometimes as I walk with him to his bed his big eyes look up at me. "Mommy? I don't wanna 'leep in baby bed." he cries out."I know buddy, but it's nap time and you're tired. I promise you will feel better after your nap". I try to explain"No, Baby 'leep, mommy 'leep, mommy bed. Oh-tay?" he corrects me.This doesn't happen often, usually he just tries to avoid going to sleep at all costs like most toddlers would. Usually he likes his bed, it has his pillow with his special pile of 4 or more blankets, a sleep sheep that hangs above his head (he loves to listen to the rain), and his doll but sometimes... Sometimes all he wants is me.I pick him up and cradle him in my arms, he doesn't fit like he use to, but he loves it still. He smiles at me as I carry him into my room. I drop him and myself soundly onto the the bed and he lets out an excited squeal. In a rush he crawls around in circles like a dog trying to find a comfortable place to lay down. I pull the blankets over his tender body and slide in next to him. At first he is so excited for this time he wants to talk to me about everything. How daddy is at work and sister is at school, how he was riding his bike today, and that mommy took a shower. That the dogs came into the room and there is a light on the ceiling. While enjoying his free spirit I remind him to calm down. He rolls away from me and pulls the blanket over his head "Baby hide" he tells me, I can hear him taking deep breaths, and he hugs my heavy arm closer to him. As we lay there my mind drifts, I start thinking about what workout routine I'm going to to do, how much water I drank so far today, Should I go for a bike ride later? I hate how my body looks.Then he pulls the blanket down and turns to me. "thank you mommy""Thank you for what?" I say bewildered"Thank you mommy bed, mommy 'leep" he responds. He closes his eyes tight and pillows his head against my swollen breast. His breathing begins to match mine as his head raises and lowers with my breath. He strokes my round face, says he loves me and gives me the tightest squeeze his little arm can give. This is important to him, and important to me as well. As he begins to drift to Slumberland, his hand caresses my soft belly, I am reminded that choosing to be a mom changes what perfection looks like. My body is perfect for times like this. The times when he wants to sleep with mommy.

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