Peaceful sleep training

When people hear the term “Sleep Training” they immediately think Cry It Out (CIO). If you don’t want to do the CIO method people make it sound like the only other choice is co-sleeping.

A lot of people hate the idea of CIO and rightfully so. Who wants to listen to a defenseless child cry out desperately for them, and do nothing about it? It is a horrible feeling listening to you child cry. With the CIO method you have to wait a certain amount of time before you can  rescue your baby. This can leave the parent quietly sobbing with their back against the wall. But if you’re the type of person who just can’t sleep with a child in your bed you may feel like this is your only choice. How many times have you been told that your baby NEEDS to learn how to self sooth? When your baby cries because they got scared don’t you sooth him/her? For a long time your child’s main source of communication is crying. When your child cries they are asking for something. Just because they are fed and have a clean diaper does not mean all their needs are met. During the day your child crawls into your lap and clings to your shirt when they need attention. They tighten their grip when strangers come near. Your child depends on you for comfort and safety. The same is true for night time.

Co-sleeping sounds like a great idea, unless you, your spouse, and your child are all light sleepers. Right before baby falls asleep he/she thrashes around, crying, comes over for cuddles only to roll away in a fit then roll back and nurse. Once asleep baby rolls around slapping you in the face while kicking your spouse. Then when you roll over to get back to sleep you end up waking your little one again. So at least in my experience this causes parents and baby to get a very restless sleep. There are a lot less tears and more heartwarming comfort, but there are also a lot less Zzzzzz’s for everyone involved which leaves everyone a whole lot more cranky.

So how are you suppose to be well rested and emotionally supportive of your child when bed time comes around? Well that really depends on you, the parent, and your child. Some people might be lucky and have been able to put their little one down in the crib and within seconds he/she is asleep. Some might be able to share the bed and everyone sleeps soundly and heavily all night long. Chances are you are somewhere in the middle and need to figure out what works for you. Keep in mind what works today might not work in the future. This is true with any sleeping method.

Here is what worked for us: My son sleeps for 10 hours straight in his crib without making a peep, and will only sleep 2 1/2 hours at a time while in bed with me. At first when he was moved into his own room at 5 months old, all he needed was a mobile over his head that he would hum and moan at it until he fell asleep. As he got older and more capable of playing, he wouldn’t want all the fun of the day to end, so we would have get him to relax enough that he could sleep. To do this we would sing him a song while rocking him. Then around 8 months he became a very light sleeper and as soon as you moved him he would wake up. We needed to get him to relax without having to move him afterwards, so we started to sing to him and rub his back while he was in his crib. I like to make sure to leave before he was fully asleep. This last routine actually worked for a long time. Now he is 14 months and struggling with separation anxiety, and as silly as this might sound I spend around 15 minutes every night standing either in the middle of his room or outside his door saying “shhh” in a soft tone every time he makes a noise. All he wants is to know: no matter what, I am here for him.

So don’t be afraid to find what works for you, and your baby. Babies are not computers that can simply be programmed with the most recent parenting book. They all have different needs and as the parents it is our job to know our child best and to take care of those needs. Listen to your heart.